A Date to Remember
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that hey may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:6-7 (NIV)
April 15th is a date most of know as Tax Day. Each year at this time we must either send to Uncle Sam our income tax forms that have been prepared, or we must file an extension. Either way, this date is known as the deadline to file our taxes. There will always be a news segment of some kind probably showing the lines at your local post office for those who waited to mail them in at the last minute. However, for me April 15th will always be etched in my brain as the day my husband left me.
Nine years ago today he made the choice to leave our home and never made any attempt at reconciliation. I remember the weeks and especially the final week leading up to the actual separation; I was a nervous wreck. I was physically sick on my stomach as I worried about our marriage and the baby I was carrying inside of me. We had a daughter who was not quite three years old at the time and I was seven months pregnant with our second baby; a son, although we didn’t know at the time if the child was male or female. The tension had become so bad in our home that last week that I finally forced him to make a choice that morning. I couldn’t take it anymore…not knowing whether or not he wanted to stay in the marriage. He couldn’t give me an answer and somehow I just felt that he was trying to stay until after the baby was born. I believed he was planning to make his exit after things settled down.
All day on April 15th, I wondered what he would decide. Would he come back home and tell me he wanted to try to work things out, or would he stay away for good and simply come back for his things at a later time? It was a Saturday. I took my daughter and went to my parents’ house. We all went out for lunch at a Chinese buffet where again I continued to ponder the question – would he stay or would he go?
Later that evening as I talked on the phone with my husband, he informed me that he would not be coming back home. It’s hard to describe the emotion I felt at the time. Betrayed, devastated, sick, anger, relief??? Relief because of the terrible tension I had felt in the home. The tension would no longer be there, but it would soon be replaced with many other emotions…fear was definitely a big one. What was I going to do? How would I be able to stay there by myself? How could he choose to leave his children? They didn’t deserve this – to be part of a broken home. I never wanted to be divorced and have a “dysfunctional” family. Would I be alone the rest of my life? Who would ever want me with all of my baggage?
I’m afraid a Tax Day will never go by without remembering. Just like remembering the date of a family member’s death. After all, this was the death of our marriage. But it’s okay to remember. It was during this time that I learned to “cast all my anxiety on him,” and He absolutely did care for me. It hasn’t even been a complete decade since all of those things happened to me and it not only seems like a lifetime ago, but sometimes it even feels like it happened to someone else. God has been so good to me and He most certainly took care of me and provided for all my needs – not just physical needs, but also emotional and spiritual as well. He had a plan for my life and even though I couldn’t see it when things were dark, gloomy, and uncertain, he was working to fulfill a greater purpose and ultimately reveal His glory!
Looking back, however, I wish I had handled things much differently. 1 Peter 5:6 says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.” I’m afraid I wasn’t very humble in my situation. I felt that I was the victim in my circumstance and wanted everyone to know what happened because it wasn’t my fault! Of course, I was not and I will never be a perfect person. I made many mistakes in my first marriage and although I had wanted to work things out, I did not initially take responsibility for the role I had played in the failure of the marriage. I wish I had not slandered and talked too much about our situation to people who really didn’t need to know everything. God did “lift me up in due time” but I should have quietly allowed Him to do His work without getting in the way.
April 15th may bear a reminder of past scars, but today I am thanking and praising God that He has healed me. There is truly no more pain when these memories come to mind. If you read What’s Happening on my website, you will see that God has blessed me with a new life and a fun-filled Easter with family. I am now married to a wonderful man, have another child (that makes 3 children total!) and am thankful beyond words for what God has done. Hopefully, He will use me to comfort others who may be struggling with a similar circumstance. He most definitely cares for you!
Are you anxious today about something? Whatever it is, why not give it to God? No matter how large or small, He tells us to cast our anxiety on Him. Remember He cares for you!
If you are hurting now, or even holding on to past hurts, would you be willing to allow God to heal your heart?
Lord, today I am feeling anxious about _______, and I give it to you. I trust You to take care of this because it is too big for me and You alone are God. There is nothing too hard for you as Your Word says. Heal the hurts of my heart, Lord, as only You can. Take away my pain and bind up the wounds so that I only have the bittersweet scars to remind me of Your amazing love and Your powerful work in my life. I look forward to the date and time when You reveal Your glory!
“As it is written: ‘There is no one righteous, not even one;’” Romans 3:10 (NIV)
“Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men. Titus 3:1-2 (NIV)
“But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.” 1 Peter 4:13 (NIV)
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3 (NIV)
Copyright 2009 by Christy Long.
All Rights Reserved. Comfort to Comfort Ministries